Keeping an open dialogue is so important with kids, and it’s essential to start that trust early. A few years ago I started a tradition where I ask each kid three questions before they go to bed to give them an opportunity to easily share about their day and anything that may have been trouble for them.
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We typically do our bedtime routine together - brush teeth, say prayers, read a story, etc. but then I spend a few minutes solo with each child when I tuck them in and turn out the lights and say goodnight. I use this solo time to ask each kid their 3 Questions. They know they can be honest and say whatever they want.

The 3 Questions:

What was your favorite part of the day?
What was your least favorite (worst) part of the day?
What are you looking forward to tomorrow?

Now to explain the reasoning behind the questions…

What was your favorite part of the day?

This gives them an opportunity to start easy, an ice breaker. They can share something good about their day and it can be anything. It could be that their favorite part was they did good on a math test, or that they had ice cream after dinner, or that they did their locker combination on their first try. It not only gives them an ice breaker to start the conversation, it gives you a chance to celebrate their favorite “win” of the day with them - no matter how big or how small.

What was your least favorite (worst) part of the day?

This one is the loaded question… the one where you hope your kid will share what’s really bothering them. Some days they will, and some days they won’t.. but at least asking this question daily gives them an easy opportunity to bring something up. Sometimes their answer could be something simple like the worst part was having to eat brussell sprouts at dinner. Or maybe they tripped in the hallway and felt embarrassed. Or maybe that they’re being bullied or there was an incident at school. These are important things to be aware of as a parent that your child isn’t always willing to share… by giving them the opportunity to share you can have a conversation with them to talk through what’s troubling them and hopefully help them figure out how to resolve it on their own or if you need to make someone else (school administration, etc) aware of the situation.
- Though typically we don’t dwell on whatever they say in the moment, especially if it’s obvious they don’t want to talk about right then. It’s more of a chance to just get it off their chest. If there’s something big going on I usually think it over that night and work towards addressing it the next day, if needed.

What are you looking forward to tomorrow?

This is where we end on a high note, a positive… something to look forward to tomorrow before they fall asleep. Sometimes the next day has big things to look forward to (an amusement park trip, a birthday party, skiing, etc), but often there’s nothing “big” the next day and that’s okay! This gives kids the opportunity to look for the positives in the every-day, as there’s always something to look forward to. It could be something simple like it’s pizza day at school, the weather is supposed to be nice, they have art class, etc.

Growing with this Practice

We started this 3 Questions tradition when our kids were small, in preschool. The oldest is now in late elementary school and starting to navigate cliques and social pressures… I hope that continuing this practice will help keep our dialogue open through Middle and High School as things get trickier with school and her social circle. I’m sure as she gets older this practice may evolve but for now I think it’s a great start!

Another useful thing to get converstations going is to always eat dinner together as a family at the dinner table. I admit this can be tricky to do every night especially during those busy weeks, but it's so helpful to get that undistracted face-to-face time with your family and kids. If you're struggling to get the conversation going you can try Table Topics which are fun conversation starters. We use these occasionally during dinner as a game.